Recent Obits, Esq. March 2009

Perks, 4200 years old, Are Dead

Perks, the free goods or privileges that workers receive in addition to a salary, died Saturday. They were 4200 years old. The cause was Glenview Graphic Design's announcement that the weekly "Wednesday's Bagels and Brainstorm" meeting would now be known as "Wednesday's Big Brainstorm."

Perks were born in Assyria, where indentured servants were allowed to eat leftover scraps of roasted pig without fear of execution. They led a long and vigorous life that included free trips to the Bahamas, half off at the local Denny's, expense accounts at strip clubs, and the occasional $6000 shower curtain. But perks became gravely ill during the 2008 subprime-mortgage crisis. The "Bagel and Brainstorm" meeting had already suffered a loss of orange juice and chive cream cheese before the bagels themselves were eliminated.

Perks are survived by baseline salaries and some bathroom privileges.